Author: Nixa Jane
Main Characters/Pairing: Ronon/John, Rodney/John.
Summary: Rodney really doesn't know how he manages to get caught up in these things.
Notes: The idea for this hit me from out of nowhere, and I just couldn't resist, so I pushed my way right past all my WIPs and started yet another. Also, Ronon will be in this fic, but is mostly just a victim of my evil devices and not in character at all. I haven't really seen him in the show yet, but he's imposing and pretty and so fit with my purposes. ;-)
Warnings: I'm skirting dangerously close to crack!fic, here.
Spoilers: Nope. This is crazy AU.
“It’s like an addiction. I can’t stop. I can’t say no.”
The first part is here.
Rodney trudged into the lab, grunting a greeting vaguely in Zelenka’s direction.
“Rough night?” Zelenka asked.
“You have no idea,” Rodney said. “What day is it?”
“Monday,” Zelenka said, frowning. “What happened last night?” he asked. “Did you get Mr. Dex to switch supervisors?”
“Not exactly,” Rodney said, not meeting his friend’s gaze. “He’s on a business trip. He’s going to kill me when he finds out.”
“Finds out what?” Zelenka asked.
“What I’ve been doing with John,” Rodney said, weakly. “This is horrible. Why do these things keep happening to me?”
“So you’ve been a little coarse with him, you’re like that with everyone and Dex knows it. It’s not like you slept with him,” Zelenka said. When Rodney froze and said nothing, Zelenka sighed and rested his forehead in his hands. “Oh, no. You slept with him, didn’t you?”
“Three times,” Rodney admitted, with a touch of pride. “It’s like an addiction. I can’t stop. I can’t say no.” He paused, frowning. “Oh, god. I think I’m his boy toy.”
“Morning all,” John said cheerfully, as he entered the lab. “You finished yet? It’s been a week.” Rodney glared at him, and John jumped up to sit on one of the counters. “Okay,” he said. “You can have two more days.”
“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” Rodney asked. “It’s been your plot all along.”
John pulled out a comic book, ignoring him. “We should really see about getting a TV in here,” he said. “I miss my soaps.”
“I’m an idiot,” Rodney said. “An absolute idiot. I can’t believe I’ve risked everything for you. I’m risking my life for you.”
“Dex is staying in New York an extra day,” John said casually, still ignoring him. “You coming over tonight?”
“Of course I’m coming over,” Rodney said, because apparently he was John’s boy toy, and he might as well play the part.
Rodney was sleeping pleasantly, on the most comfortable mattress ever, when he heard a door slam shut. He reached under his bed, looking for his bat, and that was when he realized he didn’t own the most comfortable mattress ever. John did. And Ronon Dex did.
Rodney paled, reached over, felt the disordered mop that was John’s hair, and started shaking him. “Someone’s here, someone’s here,” he whispered.
John sat up, sleepily. “What time is it?” He glanced at the clock, and then laid back down. “It’s three in the morning, go back to sleep.”
Rodney gaped at him. “No, you don’t understand. Someone’s here.”
“It’s probably just Ronon,” John said, sleepily.
Rodney hit him. “That’s what I’m worried about,” he hissed.
John finally seemed to get with the program. He snapped on the light. “We’ll just say we pulled an all-nighter going over the project,” he said.
“Without our clothes?” Rodney snapped, jumping from the bed and searching for his underwear.
“A naked all-nighter,” John said, nodding. “People do it all the time.”
“Not any people I know,” Rodney said, trying to pull on his socks and his pants at the same time. They could hear Ronon now, shouting ‘John, I’m back’ from downstairs. “Oh my god, oh my god! He’s going to kill us!” Rodney shouted.
John rolled his eyes. “He’s not going to kill us,” he said.
“You’re right,” Rodney said, opening the window and looking out, contemplating the three story drop. “He’s going to kill me.”
“He’s not going to kill you,” John said. “I was only kidding about the rifle.”
“How are you so calm?” Rodney whispered. “Your boyfriend is a madman and you’re about to be caught in bed with another man.”
“Ronon is very understanding,” John said.
“He’s not understanding at all!” Rodney shouted. “He makes threats about eye stealing and rifles and he’s very very large!”
John laid back down. “He cheats on me all the time,” he said. “He has this thing with Teyla, his physical trainer. He thinks I don’t know, but he’s so obvious it’s pathetic.”
“Wait a minute,” Rodney said, pausing and giving up his search for clothes. “Are you just with me for revenge? Is this a revenge thing?”
John blinked at him innocently. “No, not at all. Definitely not.”
“It is!” Rodney shouted. “It’s a revenge thing! I’m risking life and limb here and you’re just using me to make him jealous.”
“That’s not it at all!” John said. “Ronon and I don’t work. We tried, but we drive each crazy, and not in the good way, like how you drive me crazy. If you wanted me to, I’d leave with you right now.”
Rodney narrowed his eyes at him. “Really?” he asked. “You’re not just saying that because I’m scary when I’m mad?”
John snorted. “I hate to break this to you, Rodney, but you’re really not all that scary.”
Rodney titled his head back, offended. “I’ve made people cry,” he said.
John glanced over at him. “I didn’t say you weren’t mean.”
Rodney was about to comment on that accusation, when they heard footsteps right outside the door.
“John? Who are you talking to?” The door flung open and Ronon Dex walked in.
Rodney quickly moved to cover his nipples with his hands.
Ronon’s eyes widened as he took in the situation, and John bit his lip, only looking slightly guilty. A rather large vein in his neck began to pulse and then he turned on his heel and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
“Uh oh,” John said, after a pause. “I didn’t think he would take it that badly.”
“Badly?” Rodney said, distantly. “I thought it went rather well. We’re both still breathing. I haven’t lost a limb.”
John jumped up from the bed, grabbed up Rodney’s t-shirt and jacket and threw it at him. “I think you should leave,” he said. “Quickly.”
“What?” Rodney said, putting on the t-shirt. “I thought you were coming with me!”
“I think I’m going to need to smooth things over first,” he said. “He can’t fire me, but he can fire you.”
“I’m getting fired?” Rodney asked, as John pushed him out the bedroom door.
“No,” John said, not sounding sure at all. “I mean, of course not. No.”
Rodney felt sick. “Oh god. I’m getting fired.”
“Just go home, Rodney,” John said, giving him a helpful push towards the stairs. “I’ll call you, okay?”
Rodney seemed reluctant to leave. “Maybe you should come with me,” he said. “Maybe you shouldn’t stay here alone.”
“It’s fine,” John said softly. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
Rodney bit his lip but finally nodded. He closed the door softly behind him when he left.
"What if he's dead?" Rodney demanded anxiously. "Dex could be burying the body right now. Oh my god, he is, isn't he? Where's my cell phone? I'm calling 911!"
"Rodney, calm down," Zelenka said. "It's only seven a.m., I'm sure John will call you when he can."
"If he can," Rodney snapped. "I never should have left him there alone."
"Hey, gang," John said cheerfully. He strolled into the office looking impossibly well rested and well dressed, and Rodney gaped at him incredulously.
"Thank god you're not dead!" he said. Then he shoved him, knocking him against the counter. "Why didn't you call me if you weren't dead?"
John sighed. "I told you Ronon was never going to hurt me," he said. "We just spent the morning talking, working things out." John grinned, looking way too pleased with himself.
"What?" Rodney demanded. "You're going back to him, is that what you're trying to tell me?"
John rolled his eyes and jumped up onto the counter. "No, I ended up telling him how I found out he was cheating on me, so I decided to get revenge with this really cute guy that works for him, and ended up falling head over heels."
"Head over heels?" Rodney asked, eyes widening. "Wow, I don't think anyone has...wait, I am the cute guy, right?"
John grinned. "Yes, Rodney."
"Well, you should have been clearer. You should have said impossibly sexy," Rodney said.
"That too," John said, grabbing Rodney's wrist and pulling him closer.
Zelenka cleared his throat. "I'm just going to...leave," he said.
John and Rodney waved him off and he quickly fled. "So what happened then?" Rodney asked. "Am I fired?"
John grinned. "Nope. Ronon is moving with Teyla out of the states, and so he gave me the house and his shares in the company."
"What--" Rodney said, startled.
"Which I'm then giving to you," John continued, still grinning. "Well, 49%, anyway, as you are the boy toy in this relationship and I can't give you all the power."
"You're giving me part of the company?" Rodney said, incredulous. John nodded and kissed him, but Rodney pushed him back. "Wait, wait," he said. "Is this just so I'll keep sleeping with you?"
John grinned widely. "Oh, absolutely," he said, and then kissed him again.